Tuesday, March 4, 2008

This was not in the contract

I ended up in one of these situations yesterday. I knew it would happen since the wind was blowing 50mph AND the wind chill was 5 degrees or something crazy like that.

Hubs called about 10 minutes after he went out the door for work.

Hubs: “Would you do me a favor and it is an EASY favor?”

Me: “Easy....mmmm-hhhmmm, I’ll be the judge of that”

He wanted me to open the gate to the......hay.

So that these chumps......and these schmucks...

...could eat.

Sure that task is “easy”, I mean a well trained dog could open a gate. On a day like today, a nice spring sunny day, that task might even be enjoyable. Yesterday however was freak show weather, as you might have read from my previous post.

I’m talking skin biting wind. Hold on to your hat, walk at an angle kind of wind. I had on my glasses because I knew my contacts would freeze to my eye balls. Well, it looked like this...I had to pull down my glasses because they fogged up.

On top of the anguish causing frigid wind I was trying to avoid stepping in cow patties, struggling to see through my wind blasted hair and fogged up glasses. Cow patties heck, I was also trying to watch out for our new bull! You see hubs got a new load of steers, our old ones got too fat & slow to rope so he bought some young steers. ( I hope he doesn't do that to ME when I get fat and slow!)

Well for whatever reason (I don’t pay attention to any of this trivial ranchy stuff) we got a bull in the mix, you know a boy that still had his you know whats. I don’t know if we (I use “we” real loosely here) are going to remove his you know whats. Be assured that if they do get removed, then some cowboy type person either in my home or in one of my neighbor's homes will insist that we fry “them”, which incidentally taste like chicken. I know this from my college days... which is another story for another time. Anyhoo, I will be sure to dedicate an entire detailed post to that whole situation should it transpire. I know you will anxiously be awaiting that!

Never a dull moment. I think I need a drink.

All of that is irrelevant other than to say I was also trying to watch out for the angry wild bull that I felt sure was stalking me as an easy target to chase all over the pasture!

It all turned out OK and I made it to the hay and opened the gate without getting gored to death.

Of course I stopped briefly to say hi to my sister friend Josie. She was trying to stay out of the wind. We get along really well because you know she is in a barn full of boy horses and I am in a house full of human boys. Same story, different species. We feel each others pain. She asked me if I thought Brad and Angelina would ever get married. I said I did not know.

Anyway Josie has on a “Slinky”...
Now I only know that is the proper name for it because I asked hubs, out of Josie’s earshot of course, just what in the crap that getup was all about. He said it is because Josie likes to stick her neck through the fence, which rubs her mane off, so the Slinky keeps her mane pretty.

Actually I think it makes her look like some sort of thoroughbred racehorse. However, she is proud of her quarter horse heritage and would take offense to being compared to a snotty high maintenance thoroughbred. So I did not tell her that.

She asked me how she looked in it. I did not mention the whole mane thing, because you know it is rude to point out flaws. Like when someone gnaws on their fingernails, making what is left of their fingernails are all horrible looking, you just don’t talk about it.

So I told her it was a "hoodie" and she looked darn fabulous in it. You know something you would throw on to go to your Yoga class for instance.

She agreed that it would be perfect for Yoga. In fact she showed me how she had been practicing her downward dog....


Mary said...

I LOVE reading this blog. I just have to laugh and laugh!! Thanks for the endless and mindless reading!! Love you!!!!

Red Geranium Cottage said...

You think you need a drink?? I need a drink just reading about that. And your contacts freezing to your eyes??? LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! That was funny. Sure I can laugh,it was 77 here today.

Anonymous said...

No offense to any of your muslim readers....but my crazy hubby was saying that Josie is muslim, that is why she is wearing the head cover. That may not even be the practice of that religion. I am no expert, nor is he. I did not say it.....I am just saying. That may tie into the Yoga?? He also said that it may just be a gender confused horse. Either way I LOVE IT JOSIE!! I agree with Mary and R.G.C., your stories are quite entertaining!!!
Lori E.

Kellie said...

I love your blog. Because this would never happen in my suburban life. And that's why I love it!

Meredith said...

Oh my. I could read your blog forever! When your farm animals talk, I LISTEN!!