Monday, August 16, 2010

News worthy

So I have been MIA all summer. It has been a great summer, a busy summer, but sooo fun nonetheless. School starts a week from today and I am dreading it! I like having the little man with me all the time.

There is so much to say about our summer.... I may never have to time divulge all that information. However there are those instances where something happens and it MUST be blogged about A.S.A.P. You know, like a to die for recipe that must be shared, a monumental family event, a super cute new haircut, a fantastic find at the junk store.....


How about a scorpion in my shorts this morning that stung the everlovinghell out of my tender inner thigh/lower buttocks area?

That is a blog worthy event if I have ever heard one.

Yes sir, in my shorts. That's what I said. While I was in my shorts too, mind you. Me and a scorpion.... sharing my khaki shorts. Cozy, huh?

How in the name of Pete did that happen you ask? You know I am going to tell you.

It all goes back to my mom telling me to pick up my clothes when I was a kid. Should of listened. You see there was a lovely pair of khaki shorts, on the floor of my closet and I chose to wear them today. Yes they should have been put back in the drawer after I wore them last, hindsight is 20/20.

I put on said khaki shorts after getting out of the shower. Wore them for a good 15 minutes before there was a devilish horrible stinging in my britches! That is the part that makes my skin crawl...that dang vile creature was hitching a ride in my drawers whilst I was putting on makeup and such. Nightmarish honestly.

I went to pull the trash bag out of the kitchen trash and obviously bent in such a manner that was not pleasing to Mr. Hitcharideinmydrawers.

Instantly there was this fire burning trauma going on in my shorts and I was momentarily dumbfounded by just what exactly was going on. I commenced to yelling and stomping. It was a very painful intense burning, so I pretty quickly had a horrified good idea at what the culprit was and shucked my shorts in a mighty fast manner. In the kitchen no less, all the while both blonde rascal and Missy the wonder mini-doxie stood mouth agape staring at the spectacle I was obviously making of myself.

As I flung my shorts, the dastardly scorpion fell to the ground where in a blind searing pain filled kung fu moment I stomped on it with my full body weight. I did have flip flops on thank goodness.

Then I grabbed an ice pack out of the fridge and waddled over to the ottoman, in my underwear, in front of blonde rascal.... and sat my left cheek on the ice pack.

It still burns 6 hours later, thank you very much.

I told blonde rascal I'd pay for his therapy later in life. I can see him laying on a therapist's couch in his young adult years mumbling..."my Mom..... hollering....underwear...... ice packs...." Poor kid.


Autum said...

I know it's wrong to laugh at the pain of another, but I'm laughing- out loud no less. Big ol' belly laughing. I'm so sorry you've got a burnin butt and I hope blonde rascal recovers quickly as well.

I hope your Marine is doing well. My Marine may or may not be married. Long story! Otherwise he's doing really well. Turns out is has been a very good thing for him.

trish said...

Oh my gosh! You are not serious! :o) That is just so terrible. I am glad you are on the recovering side of matters! That is just nuts. :o) Is there any kind of strange animal you can get that eat those terrible creatures??
Sure have missed you in blogland! :o)
Sincerely ~ Trish

Angie said...

So nice to see you back in blogland!! Though I'm sorry it took a scorpion sting to yer fancy parts to make it happen. You would feel much better if you took a road trip to hang out with a few long lost friends...

Mary said...

So sorry, but I am laughing too, while I am wincing no less! I'm just thankful for blonde rascal that it was ONLY the shorts that came off, and nothing under them!! tee, hee And I agree with Angie, you would feel much better here with us to console you! You come to us, not us to you!

kristen lewis said...

This made me guffaw, which was exactly what I needed tonight. Sorry to enjoy your pain, but thanks for the laugh!

Gay said...

U tell HUBBY not to laugh or he will be in trouble. I am so sorry it bit you. Take care and kiss the guys for me. GG

Sweet Bee Cottage said...

I'm so glad you are okay and the pain is a distant memory by now - I hope! And I have to confess - I was talking to the screen as I read this - gasping and laughing. My husband said what is going on, so I had to read it to him too. You my dear tell a very funny story even if it is at your own expense.

Mrs. Mullins said...

Holy Moly!!!! That's awful! And really icky. I'm so sorry it happened to you. I can think of many others who deserve such drama way more than you do. On the bright side, at least BR didn't have a friend over at the time.